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November 21 Fun game...Hey all,
I found this fun game, its very easy and anyone can play it... see if you can finish it, you are a genius if you can hahaha. I got up to level 5 on my first time, but now level 8 is my best haha. Good luck trying to beat me
  Thats all for now... will write another crap story sometime in future.
Cheers  August 03 It's about freakin time... I was trying to change the video to a song - 'The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Your Guardian Angel', but the link I have isn't working... I love one line from that song the most... "I can show you I'll be the one". I like that, showing you that I would be perfect for u. You showing you could be perfect for me. Pity life is much harder than that hehehe... anyway, I love this song, it is deep in my heart for my own reasons. I miss good music dearly. I feel cut off from the msuic world when I stay in China, I should work harder to listen more. I haven't really accessed any decent new music for a loooooong time, I should try and update my tracklists soon hehe. :D Errrrr... kinda don't know what to say... I miss alot of people... not that I would ever tell them tho... :p I'm outta here yo... take care, be good and maybe write to u again in another 8 months or so... hahaha :D Peace. November 22 Good times at work these days...Hey y'all...
I have had a few days and nites of good parties with my work and workmates these days, and I thought I would share some pics and stories with everyone. Nothing suuuper special and nothing really crazy to be told, but... good times none-the-less.
The pics are gonna be divided into days (or nites) of partying and I guess each should tell their own story... so, to keep it simple, lets start at nite 1...
The Saturday nite Halloween party
After working a long day on saturday (including an early start to cover someone elses class), I was due to host a 3 hour Halloween party for the darlings of my work. We started off like any other normal class, crazy behaivour, running around and generally being a goof. As it was a halloween party, all the children were dressed in cute or scary clothes. There were angels, devils, witches, ballerinas, ultraman, superman, and many other cute kids running around my gym looking adorable as their parents could possibly hope them to be. Anyway, to keep this blog short and less boring than others, I will just say that this day was alot of fun and games, but suuuuper hard and tiring. As it was a big event for my work, we had a professional photographer in to capture the moment. I will post a few photos of this event for you all to check out... don't be shy, have a look at how cute my students are. :) I will get some pics for you later... :)
The Sunday nite leaving party
On sunday nite, after work, we had a leaving party for some of the staff. We had a total of 3 staff who were leaving my work and this was the nite we would say goodbye to them. Part-timers Danny & Jenny and foreign teacher Ryan were leaving within a week, and as is the usual method when someone leaves my work, we went to a our local cheap restaurant (the bbq station) and started eating and drinking (mostly drinking hahaha). We went through about 50 something bottles of beer between about 20 staff members (some of whom did not drink) and most of that was drunk by Ryan, Danny, and myself. It was a fun night of stupid games and stupider behaviour, but fun for everyone. Here are some pics to show some of my work mates on this nite...
The Tuesday team building exercise
On tuesday (my day off) we had to meet at work at the crazy early morning time of 9am so we could all board a bus and head out to Songjiang for some ever-so-exciting team building exercises. The activities were a long way from Shanghai city and took about an hour to get there on the bus (I'm not sure exactly how long - I think I fell asleep on the bus...), and we were on a kinda like farm. There were goats, donkeys, chickens, peacocks, and a cow just all wandering around the area the whole time, kinda weird at times, but they were cute. The donkeys loved me haha. Anyway, my whole work team was there, apart from Ryan who somehow managed to find a girl the nite before and was still in bed with her as the bus was leaving hahaha. When we arrived to the site, after about a 50 minute drive, we were split into 4 teams of about 8 members per team. There was blue, yellow, red and green team. I was in the blue team, along with cool staff members like JiaJia, Anna, Korean Leo, Sunny, Daniel, Judy, Fiona, and Eva. We were told that we were to compete against each other in a series of events to see who was good at what, and who could work as a team to win the most points and eventually win the days events. The events were as follows (forgive me if i forget some...) Dodge-ball, Tied-together Football, Cock-Fighting, Basketball, Arm Wrestling, Dizzy Race, Strategy Tug of war, and Three Legged Relay. To cut a long story short, the Blue team, MY team won almost every activity, getting a total of 700 points, which was more than the combined total from 3 other teams. Basically, we kicked ass. :D I really dont know how we did it, but in almost every competition we won first or second.
After the games were finished, we all had got back on the bus and went back to work at the shanghai stadium. We were told there was a work dinner on also, at a Korean BBQ restaurant in Xujiahui. The food was pretty tasty for somethings like big juicy steak and pork, but other things like the BBQ cow tongue and BBQ chicken hearts were a little off putting for my babylike westerner eating style. All good tho, you can never complain at a free dinner right?
Anyway, these are some pics from these days go and check them out here and tell me what you think. :) I have some more pics to upload at another time for these stories, so check back sometime soon. :)
I have had plenty of other parties and such gatherings this month and this story and pics are already old but I am really lazy and slow to do a blog update, I guess you'd be used to it by now... If I get bored later, I will put up some new pics of the next new party some day. :)
See ya and remember to thank your parents every day for making you just the way you are...
Take care
G October 10 How to make a cake fit for a monkey...Well well well...
This is the 2nd blog I am due to write in order to tick more things off my list and therefore have a C- (satisfactory)
holiday period. Last thing you all knew, I had crossed off 7/15 of the items I had made on my list, therefore only getting
46.6% which is only a D+ (below satisfactory) and so here I am, on the last nite of my holidays putting in some hard effort and if the nite goes well, I can cross off a few more things... just you wait and see hehehe...
Aaaaaanyways... some people were wondering about how a seemingly childish and useless boy, such as myself could possibly make something like a chocolate cake. Wellll, I guess if u never asked me if I can make a cake or not, you would never know. But, I can... and I did. And, I plan on making another cake tonite. Hmmmmmm... Well, actually, I am making another cake for my work mates, and also to test my recipe again. It is not perfect and actually sits inside my head more than anything else. If I can write it down and make it a GOOOD recipe, the students at my work can use it in their lessons and enjoy making something funky and new.
So... this is it, the recipe of how to make a Chocolate cake suitable for a monkey.
First you will need...
* 250 grams of Butter (preferably New Zealand butter because everything from NZ is the best hahaha)
* 1 and a 1/2 cups of sugar. * 1 and a half Tablespoons of Cocoa (you can find this at city mart supermarket) * 3 eggs * 1 and a 1/2 cups of self raising flour (not normal flour - unless you add 2 Teaspooons of baking powder) * 1 cup of milk. And for the icing on the top...
* 1 cup of Icing sugar (again, hard to find - get it from city mart, 18rmb)
* 1 Tablespoon of cocoa * About a Tablespoon of melted butter (mixed with about the same portion of water). Got it? Have you been shopping and picked out allll those ingredients yet? I suppose you also shouldn't forget a microwave proof bowl that is a good size and shape for making a cake. Dont start cooking unless you have EVERY ingredient, or you are bound to mess it up and thats not cool hahaha. I don't want ANYONE complaining to me that their cake didn't work ok? The rules of making this cake are like this. Rule 1 - If you make this cake correctly, you will have a delicious chocolate cake and you owe me 100 rmb hahaha.
Rule 2 - If your cake turns out shitty, its your own fault because YOU did something wrong. And you still owe me 100 rmb  Aaaaaanyways... this is how to MAKE the cake...
Melt the butter in a large pot or bowl and when all the butter is melted into a liquid, add all the sugar to the butter and
stir it all together. When the butter and sugar are all mixed together, add the cocoa powder. Remember, this is cocoa powder, NOT drinking cocoa or chocolate powder or something similar. Hard to find in Shanghai, go to City mart if you can't find it anywhere else. Mine cost 37 rmb to buy, so if you find it cheaper, let me know. OK, so once you have stirred the cocoa into the mix, add the flour and give that a good stir until everything is the same consistancy. It should be kinda gluey and sticky at this stage, but should also taste really good when you eat it hahaha. Actually, this cake is pretty tasty at every stage of making it hahaha. Add the eggs and mix them in very well, you don't wanna cake that has big chunks of egg all thru it right? That would be horrible, so take a little care. After the eggs are mixed in nicely, put in about HALF a cup of milk... stir that in until its all the same thickness. Add the rest of the milk, stir it up and then your mixture is pretty much done... NICE!!
You then must cook it, and this is where it could get tricky hehehe. First you must have a microwave proof plastic bowl, and you gotta grease it so the cake doesn't stick to it when its cooked. Take some butter and rub it around EVERY inch of the inside of that bowl, so that anything that touches the bowl, also touches butter and therefore won't stick to the bowl. Pour your mixture into the prepared bowl, but remember that this cake will rise when it is cooked and it will maybe double in volume. So don't use a small bowl, or your cake will overflow the bowl and make a mess of your microwave haha. Trust me this sux ass, I know cause I found out the hard way.
 Anyway, once you have the mixture in the bowl, you gotta cook it. Place to bowl full of mixture ON TOP of another small bowl, to raise the height of it by about 5cm (like I have shown in the picture). I guess this is so the cake gets cooked evenly from all around the microwave. If you leave it on the bottom of the microwave, it might not cook very well. I am not sure about this, I just make this cake how my dear Mum taught me how to make it, so if you wanna try it without the 2nd bowl to raise it - try it and let me know if it works or not hahaha. So, once you have the cake in the microwave, cook it on MED-HIGH for about 9 minutes, take it out when its done and shake it a little bit so you can see if it is sticking to the edges of the bowl or not. Put it back in the microwave and then cook it AGAIN on HIGH for 5 minutes. After that is done, take it out of the microwave and let it sit for about 5 minutes. It will be freakin' hot, so don't burn yourself. After giving it a little time to cool, place a large plate on top of the bowl holding the cake, and then flip the plate and bowl at the same time so the cake falls onto the plate. Remove the bowl and then put the cake into the fridge to cool.
After about an hour or 2 (or 10 - whatever) take the cake out of the fridge and get to making your icing. Put the icing sugar and cocoa in a small bowl and add about half the mixture of melted butter and water to the icing. Combine all ingredients until smooth and chocolatey looking. You might need more butter and water to give it a good texture, but if you can mix it all together to look the same consistency then you are doing a good job. Don't make the mixture too thick, or too thin - its kinda easy to tell when its done. Anyhoo, when you have this icing mix done, spread it on your cake using the back side of a knife. Make it fun, play with the icing and eat whatever is left over hahaha. If you wanna keep it simple, then you are already done... if you wanna make it fun and crazy, add anything else you wanna add to it now. I have added M&Ms to mine, its all I had at the time, but I guess you can add anything you think would go well with a chocolate cake.
Well, that is it... you are done. How did ya like my cake? Not bad huh?
 I know about ALLLL of the people who read my blog are gonna say, "holy crap - how did HE learn how to make a cake" hahaha... well, I guess you can thank my Mum for that. I am not claiming to be some great cook or something, but at least I am not USELESS in the kitchen like many guys. I am happy with my cooking skills for now, but always happy to learn how to make something new (and sweet hahaha).Anyway... yeah. I guess that is the end of this blog...
Well, not really... hahaha...
BLOG PART 2
So anyway... some of you may have read my loooong and boring blog about the LIST I had made during the holiays about things I should do. I just wanna do an update. The time is now 8:02am on tuesday morning, I am due to start work at 9:30 today (for some stupid training thing) and so I am now in the final minutes of my holiday time. I can update a few things on my list (which was rated at 7/15 D+ at the end of the last blog) now, read on...
* WRITE 2 (note - 2 is underlined) BLOGS. Well, I guess this one is done now. Nice. I am very lazy with blog writing, simply because I know myself and I know that once I start writing some crap, it tends to go on and on and on and on... it often takes me a few hours just to write one blog, so I dont make much time for that. Anyways... point is, this blog is now done so I can cross this item off my list. This takes me up to 8/15 now... NICE! More than 50%! That means I now had a C- holiday period. Good enough for me hahaha, 50% is a pass. * TAKE SOME PICS
I have taken lots of pics these holidays, but none are suuuper interesting and maybe none that I will print and put on my wall, but... I have taken some. And that is good enough for me hehehe. I would take some pics of my new clothes I bought this past week, but now I can't be bothered and I haven't shaved for a week, so I look like a homeless old man hahaha. I will take some more pics later maybe, see what happens. Anyway... for now, I have taken some pics to go along with these stories. I think that counts for something.
 That bumps my score up to 9/15!* FIX TOOTH
This one is only half done now, but its a start and its good enough for me. At least I don't have a huge gaping hole in my mouth anymore, but I gotta go back to the dentist tomorrow and get it finished. Might I just add that I am not scared of anything really and I feel I have a pretty high tolerance for pain, but when the dentist started the brrrrrrrrrr, whizzzzzzzzz, and grrrrrrrrrrrr of her tools inside my mouth, I had to cringe and squeeze the hand rest as hard as I could. She told me to not move one time, and I was doing my best, but serious... Fuck doin' that again hahaha. I say, look after your teeth people. If you wanna eat sweet food alot like me (for example - my chocolate cake) please take care and brush your teeth.
 Anyway... I am ticking this one off, even tho its not finished yet. It will be done soon, and thats good enough for me. 10/15!! * PAINT PIC
I did this at midnight last night haha. I refused to sleep until it was done, even though I was suuuuper sleepy and knew I had to wake up early for work today. But, I am proud of my pic hehehe... its so funky and cute. I will include a pic below I guess, but you should know that this is of course, not my own picture. It is copied from a pic from the internet, but I still had to draw it freehand and then paint that. If you don't know this dog, this is Scooby Doo - Who my dog is named after. My darling dog is called scooby, and he sometimes acts like Scooby Doo hahaha... Anyway.. I will hang this pic somewhere around my house when I am finished with it. 11/15!!! :D NIIIIICE! That means I have gone from 7/15 (D+) right up to 11/15 (B+) and I am pretty happy about that. I still have time to print off some photos and I am considering doing that on the way to work just so I can claim that I had an A- holiday
hahaha.... but for now, I am happy that I have ticked off 11 of 15 items on a list I made on the first day of the holidays.
It is not a thing that I do very often, I am not an organised and list making kinda person... but... I feel this list has
helped me get out and do things rather than just sit around and do nothing all day. If you are bored some time... make a list and see where it takes you. Add something crazy and different, see if you can inspire yourself to do something interesting that you have never done before. Thats all - just live life, love life and wear a smile everyday.
OK, NOW this blog is finished but I guess I am gonna run out of time before I can post this, AND all the pictures I wanna take before I go to work... I will see what I can do, but I might have to add some pictures later when I get home. I am gonna go out with my work mate later this afternoon, and that might lead to a party haha. I guess it would be tooo late to cross that off my list now, but I am still happy to do it hehehe.
 Anyway, thanks again for reading a long and boring blog about me and my life... get back to work and send me photos and samples (and 100rmb) of the cakes you make, I am interested to see how you all go. If you need lessons, the price changes hahahaha...
SEEEEE YAAAAA!!!!
xoxo your favourite monkey, G October 08 My list of holiday THINGS TO DO.Hey all, wassup and welcome back to my funktacular space... It has been a while and I miss talking crap to you all, because I'm sure you all HEEEEAPS care hahaa... uummmm, yup. I made a promise to myself recently that I would write something in my blog soon, it has been toooo long between crap stories and I was scared my brain will go even stupider if I dont use it for anything constructive at least sometimes... So anyway... this is my 'welcome back to blogging' blog. I guess I should start at the top... It seems like it was only yesterday.....
***Ripple fade out of flashback... Dun dun duuuuuh I guess this is a longer list than I thought it was... and some need lenghty explaining... if you are at work or busy, come back and read when you have some time. I know I talk alot of crap and your likely to get bored and give up in a sentence or 2 more... but, if you really wanna read, get comfortable cause it might take some time to read. :P Start at the top * WRITE 2 (note - 2 is underlined) BLOGS. * TAKE SOME PICS * GO TO QI PU RD * FIX TOOTH * TAN * MAKE CAKE * TIDY HOUSE * PAINT PIC * PARTY WITH 1 * PRINT PHOTOS * WAX - MAYBE ALL * TRAVEL IF POSS (Possible) * DINNER AT SK (Steak King) * DVD SHOPPING * PLAY BASKETBALL
Or is it??? Like I said, my holidays have not finished yet. And I still have 2 days to do all the things I missed. I guess I will write that second blog (after I play some games hahaha) and that will give me 2 more points (for the taking pics also) and that will give me 9/15 - more than 50% hahaha...thats a pass C- :D GREAT. Thats all I need to say I had a satisfactory holiday. I guess... u gotta wait till tues, if I don't have a new blog by tuesday it means I dont get those 2 points and I stay below 50%. D- hahaha... so, stay posted, tell me to Jia You and have a c- (or C+) weekend.
Take care and be good to your Mothers. xo PS. First proof read took me 32 minutes. :$ July 22 THIS is the important update, stop playing my game now...OMG...
SUUUUPER deadly nite last nite!!! I went to the Black Eyed Peas concert last nite, and it was the BIIIIZ NIZZZZZ!!! That means Business, for all you who don't speak english like the REST of us here *cough cough* And Business it was... Monkey Business, the concert held on the nite of 20th July 2006, in Shanghai China, rocked out toooo hard, and I won't forget it for some time...
Somehow, this Pimp managed to get his hands on a VIP ticket to the Black Eyed Peas...
Thats rite... V I P.
Read it and weep y'all foools. I had the mad tickets to the BEP concert and I was lovin it. I wasn't really sure what to expect, especially when I hadn't listened to much BEP stuff lately... But I was blown away by the sound and visual treat that was served up for me by an talented, exciting and pumped up Black Eyed Peas crew.
It seems each member of the group and indeed the musicians of the Black Eyed Peas band are all legends of performing and had a great nite showing off their various skills including table drumming, flute playing, breakdancing, somersaulting, free styling and one armed drumming. As each member of the performers appered to bring their 'A Game' to this tour of Asia, no member particularly took all the limelight, even tho Fergie took some time out to shamelessly promote her new and upcoming album called "The Dutchess" which is due out in about 2 months, middle of september.
The whole band rocked out super hard and I think they must all be on crack or something... I don' know how they can party soooo hard, and still keep up the schedule they do. You know what?? The concert I went to was yesterday (well, now its TWO days ago) and now the band is in Russia at Moscow's Red Square, performing a FREE concert there. Including that one, the band has 6 more concerts in the next fortnight from Taiwan, Phillipines Thailand and two in India.
The star of that series will surely be the concert in the Phillipines as one of the members, apl.de.ap is from the Phillipines and very proud of it. He sings proudly letting the whole word know it in a song that is sung in Tagalog, his mother tongue in a song which name I always forget. I just call it the "Tifanny tiiiiime" song...
I don't really know what else to say about this crazy nite. I just had a good feeling from the concert and a good feeling from the people of Shanghai for making it a very fun and memorable nite. So thank you Black Eyed Peas for coming, thank you shanghai audience who made it so loud and exciting. Thank you Chivas for brining them to Shanghai. Thank you MTV, CCTV... And thank YOU!
If you get some time, check out these pictures... If you were there, and you can find urself in the pictures in the audience, I will buy u a big mac hahaha. I know they arent great pics, and very blurry, but you get the idea right? Its pretty comfortable in there with my...
V I P Ticket... hahaha.
Anyways, I just wanted to share that I think the BEP kicked ass in SH. If ya saw it, I'm sure u wont forget it. If you MISSED it, dont worry... I'm sure a better concert will come up soon. Birrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrtttt!!! That means I'm joking.... Gulloo. Jolin is coming to Shanghai soon, I'm sure shes JUST as good as BEP. BIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTT!!!! :D
Alrighty, go away, I'm going to bed now.
Take care, be good, and God bless you BEP.
Peas
G First, A Little Game...Good morning, afternoon AND evening to you all....
As some of you may know, I have just returned from a sunny place I'd like to call... Thailand.
Oh yes, Thailand is the dang coolest place on God's green earth. I wish I could live there all the time and live in a place of always partying, always playing at the beach, always riding a funky bike around town, and always laughing at some of the thai hookers... Its a GREAT life down there and I will tell ya ALL about it
BUT... Not yet.
I have another story to share with you before I get to my Thailand stories... But I couldn't leave you waiting for some pictures... so here you go, some pics of me and the lovely ladies of Thailand.
Tell me who you think is Zhen de girl and who is Jia de girl hahaha... Good luck :)
Now you are playing my game... go and read my next Blog...
xoxo
G June 05 My night with a prostituteOMG... the craziest things happened to me today!!! If you wish to hear my stupid stories for the day, I hope you can get comfortable because this blog is freekin massive and u wll probably sleep before u finish it, but... read on if u wish...
All week, I have been feeling kinda crook, not quite right in my body, and I have had a sore stiff back in the mornings. Sooo, me being the super-smart boy that I am, I thought, I know... I will fix it... "I NEED A MASSAGE"!!!
I jumped off the computer in a hurry, and realised that if I hurried a little bit, I could get to McDonalds before it closes at midnight... Being soooo hungry from a long day of house hunting and undersized pastas, the thought of a nice fat Big Mac made me get ready oh so much faster. And so I was out the door and walking pretty quick, expecting a massive feast when I got to McDonalds. I was going thru the menu in my mind and trying to think what I should order and what would cost what... I finally settled on a Big Mac burger, 2 apple pies and a chocolate thickshake (or sundae), and continued on my way. I started to have flashbacks of seeing the movie documentary "super size me" and imagining myself as a huuuuge fatty man walking down the same roads in china, rushing to McDonalds before it closed... such a scary thought. :$ :S But then I also started having flashbacks of my video link from my last blog (which happens to be just yesterday) which was of Ashton Kutcher and Sean William Scott in "Dude, wheres my car?" and it made me laugh, and I forgot about being that huge fat man... After what seemed like fooooorever ,but was actually only about 3.5 minutes, I arrived at McDonalds front entrance at a respectable time of 11:56pm (4 minutes to spare) and stood outside. Looking in, I could see action... there was a man moving around, and someone else there also. I got excited and hurried towards the door, the only thing stopping me from my huge planned feast of McDonalds fatty finest. I confidently walked forwards, grabbed the handle with such anticipation, took a breath and stepped forward...
*BANG* - RIGHT INTO the door, which was locked.
Pulling my face from the cold metal of the entry door of McDonalds, my eyes slowly gathered focus from my violent attack by a stationary door, and they eventually settled on a chinese man who seemed to be coughing very violently. Staggering myself, while I gathered my balance and checked to see if I still had all my teeth, I used my amazing human technology to figure out what was wrong with this poor old chinese man coughing so ferociously. I could see him bent over and panting so deeply and uncontrollably but then... he lifted his right hand slowly... and started pointing at me... and then bent over for another round of some kind of apparent asthma attack. This man was going to die if I couldnt help him, Oh My God, what can I do? I am trapped outside of McDonalds when I'm really hungry (NITEMARE!!!) AND there is a man on the inside dying, and I cant save him... :S :O (SUUUUUUPER NITEMARE!!!!!!)
But then I shook my head a little in panic, and looked again... the almost dead man was now standing up and waving his left hand towards me. I didn't know what to do, but I just waited... suddenly, 3 guys came running to his help!!! OMG, he was gonna be saved, its a miracle! :D I thanked God and waited for some action. The dying man then started gesturing something kinda crazy and shaking his body hard and stuff and a weird look crossed the faces of the 3 people listening to him. The original guy suddenly stopped shaking, then all four people turned towards me, one a time, and then they ALL started pointing at me... and laughing.
It was then that I realised that the dying man was not coughing nor dying at all. He was laughing because he saw me walk into the door and almost knock myself out. They were all pointing and laughing at me, slapping each other on the backs with laughter and 'doinking' themselves on the forehead with their hands explaining to me what they were laughing at. I was the joke of the hour, the day, or maybe even the year.
What could I do??? I was locked out of my salvation for a decent meal tonite AND from a chance to punch those 4 guys on the nose and see if they like how it feels. I did the only thing I could do. I turned around and walked away, sobbing quietly...
I guess its a good thing that I have found a new place to move, because I dont think I could go back to that McDonalds for a loooong time, I guarantee those 4 guys who were laughing told the WHOOOOOLE staff about what happened, and I was bound to be laughed at again and again, forever haunting McDonalds folk history until the death of McDonalds in 2026.
Its all true, apart from the sobbing part... *sniff sniff*
Aaaaaaanyway... thats not even the half of my crazy nite... I haven't had my massage yet... but I am getting to that now...
insert "ENTER ripple flashback" slide
I had been to this place before with a friend who was complaining of a bad back, but who was toooo shy to go to a massage parlour by herself. I went with her becauase I have had some massages before, no worries, no issues... so after some walking, we found this place and after sussing it a little and finally declaring it a "NON SHADY MASSAGE PARLOUR" we went inside. Friendly, pleasant and decidedly NON SHADY MASSAGE girls were my first impressions of this place and we both got settled into some massages in a hurry and without any effort.
insert *time-lapse-during-a-flashback" slide
After the massage I felt great, I was refreshed and comfortable but not without a sense of 'something wasn't quite right there' feeling... I asked my friend how she felt, and she said it was a good massage (she had the japanese and I had the chinese style of massage) and she said even though she laughed alot, hers was great and her back felt much better. I said mine was cool and the girl had some nice and funky moves, some I had never felt before and some i liked... but I also said that the girl massaged the insides of my legs waaaaay too high and made it quite, errr... uncomfortable and I was left wondering why she gave me a pretty intense ass massage. After laughing about it uncomfortably for a little while, we forgot about it and moved on...
Insert "EXIT ripple flashback" slide
And so I arrive to the massage place today, alone, a little weary from a long walk and worried that it will be a nitemare to get the massage I want (my chinese is terrible...if u DON'T know) and went thru the door. I ordered slowly but confidently the massage I wanted, and it was business as usual, no dodgey looks or shady stuff.
Getting into the massage it was business as usual and I was feeling very sleepy after 2 minutes of head massage and then some shoulder-arm-hand-finger massage which was also pretty standard (even tho her left hand was stronger than her right)... but then... she started on the leg massage...
I don't really want to go into toooo much detail of this, because it aint pretty... but after I jumped a mile during what I can only call "super-excessively high inner-leg massage" the girl stopped and grabbed a card, with chinese writing and some numbers (cash amounts) and I looked at it, and then at the girl blankly. She then used her amazing intellect, realised I'm not Chinese and that I AM just another dumb foreigner, and she read it for me...
But first of all, before I say this, can I just add that I was soooo impressed with my Chinese at this point, because I understood EVERYTHIHNG she said!! Yeah, wooh, I'm sooooo cool! Ahem... aaaaanyhooo...
She said... Ni yao HEN shu fu amo ma? 198yuan? Which means, for all of you who DONT know, "do you want the VERY comfortable massage" *wink wink nudge nudge* and then she said, "take a shower and then the VERY comfortable massage"??? Yao ma?
I cleared my throat carefully... *cough cough*
"bu yao".
She did her best to convince me that it would be suuuuper comfortable and that I would be so happy about it.. but it didnt work... I just wanted my same great chinese style I got the last time I was at this place. And so with a sigh of *whatever* she went back to the normal massage I had wanted. But it was a different feeling and what WOULD have felt like a normal back rub or a leg massage felt much grosser, dirtier and less forgiving. Her actions were colder, brisker and I felt like I had just escaped something very devilishly tempting. I was proud of myself for not doing anything so stupid, and felt stronger like I could handle anything that life threw at me, no matter how tempting. As she finished my NON-SHADY-MASSAGE, I could almost feel the evil pouring off of her as I walked away...
Massage finished, I paid my bill (48rmb for one hour = bargain) and went home... end of story.
I don't really know why feel I should tell you of these stories I just told you. One makes me look very stupid and clumsy. The other makes me look stupid (again) and like a person who would do such things. I guess I should mention that I am not one of those guys, I have not and never will see a prostitute like that. Its horrible and so pitiful for both parties. I guess I should also mention that even tho I appear very stupid in these 2 stories, I am only very stupid SOMETIMES... not ALL the time.
It is a little late now, 5:22am and I really should be in bed. I didn't actually sleep at all last nite, it appears I am addicted to this blogging crap. This is my second blog in 2 days, but before that I didnt do any for 2 months, I must be soooo bored lately... OMG, this is a REEEEALLLY long blog... hahaha. I would be surprised if ANYONE even gets halfway thru it. I have changed the song, and put it on replay so u dont get tooooo bored... but also given u some funky links to new sites so u dont get toooo bored of reading all my crap.
Soooo... tell me what you think of my stories... am I good or bad? Stupid or not? I guess I cant say what I am, because it will always say I am the good things hahaha. :)
Take care everyone, keep urselves happy forever and love with ur head and ur heart in balance.
King G ps. I put some pics of my old baby rabbit in here also, just to show you something cute after such bad stories. pps. Funky link to 4 second games, its great. :) My best is 110 secs hahaha. :$ - http://www.extremefunnypictures.com/funnypic1483.htm June 04 My terribly long nite of writing NOTHING interesting for my space...Well, ladies and gentlemen... guess what time it is???
It is time for my first update ever from China. Those of you who know me will know that I am a super duper lazy pig, and will understand WHY I havent written in this lately. But... after enough complaints and people saying "come on, I know you have done something stupid lately, tell me about it..." I decided to write it.
The time is now... 5:58am and i have not yet been to bed. I have been playing around on this stupid computer, writing crap, sending all sorts of mess all around my computer, and not really getting anything done. But at least I have a new song and funky counter on my space. Ooooohhhhhh yes. Those 2 things took me about 2 hours to do I think hahaha, but really should only have taken me 5 mins to do both. Terrible hahaha. But anyway, the movie I wanted to show you didnt link properly, so I have a song by James Blunt, I hope ya like it. :) Here is also the link to the video I WANTED you to see. Its kinda funny, and stupid at the same time, and it might help you all understand shopping in china (from a westerners perspective) a little bit
better. Grrrrr... frustrating hahahhaa... anyways... here is the link, enjoy -
OK, so now its 6:16am, and writing that top paragrapht... just that little bit took me almost 20 minutes, but then again, I WAS playing lots of funky videos from that site, so have a search and find anything u wanna, its funky and interesting, have fun.
Today, I am meant to be looking at more houses because I gotta move soon. So sad, but its a fun new start also I guess. I have been trying to decide if I should live in a 2 bedroom house for about 4000rmb total (share with another person of course) or just a 1 bedroom place and live by myself. I dont know why, but lately I have this strong feeling that I just wanna live alone and not have to deal with anyone and their problems or messiness for a long time. But at the same time, I also know that I will miss someone being around alot and being able to share things like funny stories and food (and of course bills hahaha). So... I guess it will come down to whatever house i find first. I Will look for both, and whichever I find first, I will take. I just realised what a boring blog this must be... reading about the house I DONT have yet. Sigh. I have 3 days to find a new house. Nooooo pressure tho... :S grrrrrr... I hate looking for a new house, its one of my top 2 things to do. The other is finding a new job... and i gotta do that soon also. :$ Its so easy to be me sometimes... othertimes, its just painful and slow to do anything. *sigh* I should be in bed by now hahahaha...
Hmmmm, I guess you have noticed that I talk alot of crap at when I am rediculously tired, but wait... there is more... I ALSO talk alot of crap when I am NOT rediculously tired. Oh yes, thats right everyone... I talk crap ALL the time hahaha. Just chat with me and you will find its true. Well, I guess I really should get my ass into bed, I only have 3 hours sleep now before I gotta wake up and start looking at houses. GRrrrrr... may I mention again that I hate looking for houses???
Ummmm, I don't know what to say now... just say hi when ya see me online, but its possible I wont be able to get much internet time for a little while, until I can find a new permanent home. But dont worry, if u know me, you will know where/how to find me. :) Check out my new pics too, they are all taken during these most recent May holidays (I know, I am a month late to post these, but forgive me, you should understand that I am late for EVERYTHING). There are some pretty funky pics here, and I really like most of them. You can even see my baby dog Scooby. He is such an amazingly cute dog and I love him to bits. The only bad thing is some people are scared of him because he is so big (but you shouldnt be, he is so lovely and harmless) and he eats tooooo much hahahaha... He is a big fat lazy pig, like his daddy (me *blush*) and can spend all day eating and sleeping. I know he is reading this... so my baby, Scooby... I love ya hahaha. The rest of the pics were taken at fuxing park, at my house, at a work party, and out playing basketball. Let me know which pics u like the best hahaha...
Just a quick word about some of the pics... most of these have a story behind them and some are just there because I thought they are funky and different and deserve sharing. If you are wondering why I have paint on my face, black fingernails, why you can see my nipples in my basketball pics or why I have a frog... ask me. It might be a long boring answer, but at least then you will answer a few questions or worries u might have hahaha.
Anyways... this is really it... going to bed now, nite nite all, or good day, wherever you are. Take care, be super safe and happy, and don't ever forget ur favourite buddy, Kiwi. That is me, if you didnt know... :D
Bye, chat soon,
Jamal. ps... And kan yi kan the funky 'Mr T' link in my custom lists. He is the shizznizz and I pity the fool who would mess with a guy who carries THAT much fake jewellery.
pps... I know I havent really done anything stupid in this blog, but I guess the stupid thing is WRITING it now... i have a busy day, and only 2 hours sleep to get. If I was going to write a blog again tonite, it would say... "today I did a stupid thing, I stayed up AAALLLLLL nite long, writing crap..." March 09 If you know me... you know sometimes I will do stupid things...Today... I did a stupid thing. Its hard to describe just how this stupid thing happened... but it happened, and now I must live with the consequences. Its gonna take time... maybe 1 month, maybe 6 weeks... but it will be ok after that time. It takes time to heal these kinds of things hahaha... So I guess everyone is wondering about what is the stupid thing??? Well... let me just tell u a little story... *star fade in* Ya see... I have just come back to New Zealand from China... I have spent the last 1 year, 4 months in China, and because of that, I now have NO brown, sexy, New Zealand tan on my skin. It is embarrassing for me to be so WHITE. When I play sport with my friends, and I dont wear a T Shirt, they all point and laugh at me because im TOOOO white. SO unfair. :( And so... I thought, I should do something about this. I promised myself "Before I go home to China, I will get a NICE brown tan". Good idea huh? And so... I thought to myself. How is the best way to get a tan FAST??? FAKE TAN! Niiiice... So I found some fake tan in a bottle. It sounded pretty good, so I started planning. I went and had a shower, got all clean and dry, and then got the fake tan out. I carefully read the instructions and followed them step-by-step. And so... I finished, thought to myself, "thats a pretty good job", even tho the tanning solution is CLEAR so u cant see it. And yeah... it takes its time, so I just got dressed and forgot about it. The next day, I was playing on the computer late at nite, when my dad came home and saw me (with no T shirt on) and he said "It looks like ur getting more colour on you now, have you been in the sun today"? I felt so proud because I KNEW that the fake tan was working well, and it was already making me look browner. :D But later that nite, when I looked closer and on my scars (if you dont know, I have big scars on my knee and ankle from being hit by a car when i was 20 years old) there was some weird orange/brown colouring on my skin. SUX! :( But when I looked closer, I could see that if I rubbed the colour, it would soon come off. So, I thought, its not toooo bad, I have a cool scrubber, a New Zealand STONE which is good for rubbing ur skin, and making it clean. So... I got back in the shower and had another shower, rubbing very hard at my leg and scars where there was toooo much colour. I Was thinking to myself, I'm sooo smart, I have a good solution for EVERYTHING... Until I looked again. *SHHIIIIT* The stone rubbing on my legs had done SUCH A good job of scrubbing that it had actually taken a lot of the HAIR from my hairy legs also... SUX!!! I thought to myself, my legs will look soooo silly if i have hairy legs all over, but then a big patch of NO hair... :S what can I do??? And this is where the story starts getting worse and worse... Showing just how stupid a stupid boy can be, when hes feeling very... well... stupid. So I thought to myself... How about, if i take some MORE hair off, but not in the SAME place... so it kinda BLENDS a little bit... then if there is a little hair off my legs, maybe no one can know that there is anything missing at all. So... back to scrubbing with my cool New Zealand stone. Well, its not like, ONLY A NZ stone, but its common here because of a large volcanic explosion a LONG time ago... And yeah, its called Pumice (for anyone who REALLY cares and wants to know...) but yeah... so I am scrubbing my legs with this pumice stone. Trying to get it all perfect and stuff, trying to fix a bad situation. Bad idea. Scrubbing even more just made it worse, and eventually, I gave up and decided the ONLY way out, is to take ALL The hair off my legs, and just let it grow back in its own time.. evenly. Sooooo... more scrubbing... scrubbing away, so hard and fast. And so after a looong time... like 20-30 minutes in the shower, I thought, man, its been a LONG shower, I should get out hahahaha... And so when I got out, and got dry, I looked down at my now HAIRLESS legs.
And thats when i realised just what I had REALLY done.
My legs, although looking very smooth and sexy, were ALSO very RED and raw. I am THINKING I will put a pic of my legs on the net now... just so you can all laugh at me. But maybe I wont. It really is VERY embarrassing, and I hope no one can see them while I am here in NZ. :$ How shame, how can I explain it to my family hahaha... I guess they would just think I am gay. :$ Who knows. I dont REALLY care, its only my legs and anyone who sees them would probably just LAUGH at me... thats ok. I can handle it. But the problem is, its actually also REALLY sore. :( I just wanna sit in some ice or something to make my hot sore legs feel better. :$
*sigh* And so yeah... this is my stupid thing I did... Pretty dumb huh? AND... its also a long, boring and embarrassing story I can tell ya just to make you think that "this boy" is stupid haha. Oh well... just remember, cuts and bruises heal in time, but a broken heart can last forever. I'm glad its only my legs that are hurting right now. Yeah... so, I dont know what else to say about this subject. Just, think twice before u think about scrubbing ur body with a SUPER STRONG New Zealand pumice stone, unless you WANT all ur hair gone AND ur skin all red and painful. And if you DO... dont say I didn't warn you.
March 02 Congratulations... my first ever blog of crap.3... 2... 1... Hoooray!!!!
*insert sound of a cough in an empty room and/or a cricket chirping*
Well, what a shitty anti-climax hahahaha. Here I was thinking that having a blog and being able to spill my guts and write whatever the hell I want would be exciting and therapuetic. I guess not, but since I have spent the last 30 - 45 mins making this piece of junk site, I guess I should at least make it a little interesting. You know, a few words here, a sentense of complaining and bitchiness accompanied by a link to another site of crap. Come on, you have all read blogs before... why should mine be the INTERESTING one???
Hmmmmm...
Aaaanyhoo, so I'm back in New Zealand and somewhat bored. I have no money, no job, no car and well... not ALOT of things that i would normally have an abundance of back home in Shanghai. Weird how I call Shanghai home now... No I'm not Chinese, but I guess I'm TURNING Chinese hahahaha. Is that a good thing? Well, probably not, but it just adds another chapter of wackiness to my already exciting book of "Who da fuck is Jamal", change the title if you know my real name, or if you THINK u know my real name hahahaha. ;) And so since I have been back here, I have done a great deal of sitting around, playing PSP, watching shitty TV and reading the newspaper (which i miss alot - damn u chinese, why is ur language so god damn hard to read!) which is all fun and games, cause REALLY, I don't do a great deal more than that when I'm in China, but still, I feel like there should be something more. Something is missing and I can't put my finger on what that is... but... I'm getting there. I guess when I can find a way to steal some money from someone, I will start to have adventures and excitement all over again. NIIIICE! :D
I guess what I'm saying is, I miss shanghai like crazy for some reason. Maybe it is the house i live in where I am God and wearing clothes is an optional decision. Maybe its the people there, who make me laugh and frustrate me in all their silly, childish, chinese ways. Maybe its the fact that even though I only work 4 hours a day, i still (occasionally) have money to do the things I wanna do. OR maybe its something else... someone else... but then again... maybe not. I'm so hard on myself when I wanna be, why shouldn't I WANNA be a happy, married, successful guy who can do anything he wants, anytime he wants... Why not? Mehhh, im talking shit, I dunno why. I think having a blog gives you alternating personailities, like in Fight Club. I just hope my other personality doesn't start blowing up buildings or crazy crap like that...
*sigh*
I really AM bored hahahaha... This has taken far tooo much time to write, I wonder how all u full time bloggers out there actually do it??? Do u set aside half a day to write it all, or am I just crap and slow... I guess the answer is somewhere in between.
Well, I think I have blogged myself out of all my blogness for today. I think im gonna go and sit around the house more and do nothing... again. Oh how exciting. Actually, I'm gonna go up to the local shopping centre and see how much it costs for me to get a new CHINESE VISA. Oh how exciting. I hate going to the mall when the local high school has just finished. Lots of little geeks running around and trying to be coooool. Grrrrrr, I hate high school hahahaha. And with that note of more bitchiness and complaining, I'm outta here. Places to go, people to harass and bother. Good times.
Anyhoo... so ends my first ever blog. I hope it was blog-formative and you found it to be blog-tastic and blog-errific. I dunno... I've run out of crappy blog related words. I just think the word blog is stupid. Sorry, but it is. :)
Good day and good nite all, may the heavens welcome you with a beautiful shining day, showing you just how amazing life can be.
Hugs, smiles and luv
xoxo
J |
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